Haven’t blogged in a month or two. No clear thoughts. Hence nothing to say.

Still looking for somewhere to move to but not having much luck; looks like I’d need to move further out of town than I had hoped to find a place I can afford. I may well loose a room but will hopefully gain a garden. It’s just too noisy for me round here now and a quieter life beckons.

Not being happy at home makes everything harder and at times I’ve let that get the better of me – something I need to keep an eye on. Need to work on my lack tolerance and an excess of irritability.

Getting a trickle of design jobs, so get to spend a lot of time on each one, which I like, although speeding things up could well improve things, and it’s always possible that if more work was coming in, I’d actually get more other stuff done to. Having a lot of time for each project can back-fire though: I end up offering more than is reasonable at these rates, and it’s at that point that the client becomes more demanding. Can’t help thinking that I should be giving less options and not more, although the reason behind it of course is that is you don’t give options early on but just get on with what you think is best, it can all come undone if they don’t like it and there’s no time to start again or redo it.

It’s a bugger!

But I really think it’s time I got tough with clients in the future and made it clear in some subtle and inoffensive way that Mummy knows best.

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I love this man.

To see the religion of truth and the truth of religion takes a refined and subtle imagination - the faith of imagination and the imagination of faith.

Atheism is the desire to to be seen as someone so advanced that they have broken the evolutionary necessity for religion as though it is a merely psychological function. To go beyond the psychology of the masses; to be set apart from the rest. It is a vain and shallow interpretation of inteligence believed in by the most simplistic of people. They believe they are intelligent because they are not so stupid as to believe in something which is so clearly false i.e. that God is an entity who created all things and is watching over us. They point at the most purile interpretation of the word 'God' and say, 'How can anyone believe in something so simplistic and fanciful?'

Atheist are people that don't believe in a thing which they percieve other people to believe in, and they never understand what it is that other people actually believe in, except for the most rediculous claims to belief. Their targets are unworthy, and the fact that they give these people credence in order to undermine and belittle them shows a fantastic lack of both intelligence and imagination. It is a smug, arrogant, patronising and condescending view of anyone with faith.

Another way to put it is: Atheist = cunt.

Went to the doctor's today, as I thought maybe I had a hernia or something. Turns out there is nothing there and what I feel is just down to eating too late in the evenings. What a doofus! This is what comes of being 42 and having too much time on my hands and not enough to worry about.

Went into town afterwards; not for anything particuarly special. But on the way home bought myself a lovely light tan suede motorcycle jacket which was in a sale and reduced by £150 or there abouts. My old one has no linning and the stitching is coming undone all over it, so it'll be nice to have something decent, and it looks fab! Probably not a great day to go out on the bike though, as it is very windy indeed.

Neighbours came home from their six week holiday last night. They're not as noisy as they used to be, now that I've said something, but I am still looking for a place to move to that is in a more peaceful area and not in a city, next to schools. Gardens and a garage would make life a lot happier.

Am enjoying interacting with people online and am making arrangements to visit and meet up with some in the not too distant future. It's time I saw more of this world. But I also need a kick up the arse to make it happen, as I can be so hopelessly passive at times. I know it's been around a while, but damn, the Internet is fantastic!

Turned down several bits of work a couple of weeks ago, partly because I need the time spare to go look at potential new places to live and partly so I could spend time on my motorbike while the weather is still good. Had plans to go camping but that didn't happen but may go to the lake district in a couple of weeks with a friend who also has the great desire to walk up a moutain or two. Think I've got most of what I need for camping and at least I'll be with someone else who also has a car, which will make life easier. Bought some new walking boots a couple of weeks back and can't wait to try them out.

But I really must start working on something soon, as I've got too much time on my hands. At least I've started reading again - it'd been a while!

Rode out to Rory and Debs' on the tin pony and then onto Tivetshall. Had to ask directions a couple of times, especially on the way back. Had heard of a house to let there, which I didn't find, but I did find the local church in the middle of nowhere. Nice old church with tons of history going all the back to the 14th century and probably further. Bought a banana cake and left money in the honesty box. Just enough juice to get home - 300 miles to the tank! Stopping off at Ror and Debs's again. Fab day and my first adventure by myself on the bike, and probably my longest journey and day's riding so far. Filled the tank on the home-stretch ready for another exploration, though it may be rainig tomorrow so we'll see.

Poop! Poop!

Billy's birthday yesterday and what a fab day it was. Friends and family gathered, drank stuff and woffled a lot. I drank more vodka than I have for the past year or more and yet was able to think coherently and have things which resembled sensible conversations for the whole day. Man I drank A LOT of vodka!

Went back to Estelle's and orderd an Indian take-away, watched a movie (Firecracker - woffled through most of it). Home to bed by 1am. Not as hungover today as I should be.

Hope to make plans in the next day or two to go away camping with Paul and Estelle. Maybe just to the coast, but possibly to the Lake District, which would be awesome as I can't remeber the last time I saw something that looked like a hill or a mountain. Might splash out on some good walking boots.

Went to school reunion yesterday. Well I say school reunion... what it actually was, was the last day of term and the last day the school would be known as Earlham High. Most of it is going to be knocked down and a new school built on the same ground - the school is to become an academy. It's a rebranding process to help with prevent any further decline in the school's reputation. Also it effects how they will be funded, which I guess has something to do with it to.

There have been several school reunion, organised by both the school (the usual ten years on) and by ex pupils. I haven't attended any, except for tagging along with my older brother to one of theirs. It was very odd to be there again, standing in the playground and seeing that familiar set of buildings, with a few additions of course. It was probably the most poorly attended reunion, which was a shame, especially as it was open to the largest number ie anyone who had attended the school while it was called Earlham High, which was since the mid 60's I think. -- it had been BlueBell School before that, and presumebly since it was built in the late 30's or early 40's.

There was about a dozen people.........

[got distracted and now it's two days later.]

After getting my motorbike I rode it quite a bit and was starting to feel pretty comfortable. Didn't ride at all for the next two weeks, which was a mistake, as today I got on it and first I was conking out because I'd left the choke on. A couple of hours later I couldn't start it at all and didn't notice for ages that the kill switch was on - Rory pointed out both things. And then I came off it again when a huge container lorry was coming at me on a road as wide as the lorry! So no more breaks from riding - will try to get out on it every day for the next couple of weeks at least.

It was Nobby's funeral today and I wanted to be there but things got in my head and put me off. Apparently there were a couple or three hundred bikers that did the slow ride through the city, no bash hats, out to the crematorium. Might have bought back memories I didn't want. Ah well!

Yesterday was Mum's birthday and a bunch of us went out for lunch by the river and then some went on to other pubs etc. I didn't have a drinking head on at all so came home in the late afternoon. Was nice to see everyone but still need to catch up with Mum and Sis, as we haven't seen each other properly for ages.

Anyway... go stick your head in a pig.

Found out today that Nobby (Terry Clarke) died of a heart attack last friday, just three days ago. He was 47 and concidered by many of us as one of the slightly more healthy than the rest. He was certainly fighting fit and that's for sure.

Nobby had a huge effect on me when I was younger and I looked up to him from the start. When my older brother first introduce me to the biker scene, the people I felt a bond with instantly were Rod, Nobby and Aidy, and along with my brother, I thought they were indestructable and the most 'real' people I had ever met. The statement 'they don't make 'em like that anymore' is both apt and true. They were a brotherhood to be wreckoned with.

Nobby did more in a weekend than many will do in their lifetime - as did Scott, who was only 36, and had more 'life' in a fragment of a toenail cutting than most have in their entire bodies. The way they lived was a demostration of that and anyone who knew them can concider themselves blessed.

Rest in peace Brothers.

I usually work to a more traditional form when writting poetry but am having a go at a more free form style at the mo, which often means I end up with little more than a list of words. But I plan on working on this one much more and for all I know it will end up a sonnet or something.

Living.

Be moving, be doing - and don't ever stop.
Move out, move up, move on.
Progress, achieve, grow, succeed.
Put down roots.
Breed.

Bake biscuits --
never forgetting to remember,
once in a while, to let them burn.

Spread your wings;
Save for a rainy day.
Believe what you see.
Dream about thinking.
Pass on what you know.

Keep chickens.
Recycle everything.
Believe in a rainy day.
Bake babies, never forgetting to,
once in a while, let them learn.
Think about dreaming.
Save your spread.
Put down wings;
Move roots.

Ok, so now I've got a bike that I'm actually legal to ride, which means that in theory I'm mobile. Haven't gone out on it yet - will take a day or two to finalise the paperwork. And then I'll be all out of excuses. God damn it!

The main motivating factor at this exact moment in time is the thought of moving out of the city, finally. I'm looking at loads of properties online and have registered with several agencies. But if they don't find me something soon I may go on a killing spree - the city is doing my fucking head in! I just want peace. Living in a flat that has a school either side of it was not a great idea and for the past couple of years the neighbours above have been a single mother with two boys, 9 and 14. I can't remember that last time I couldn't hear constant thundering about. It's way past time I was out of here! Saw house of my dreams yesterday which had 3 bedrooms and was £100 cheaper a month than I already pay; not surprisingly it had gone.

Anyway... cock!

It's been several months since I last voiced the fact that Damien Hurst is a retarded cunt.

There... done!

Till next time.

Push on, move up, progress, achieve, grow
Spread your wings. Breed.
Put down roots.
Save for a rainy day.
Believe what you see and
what you're told to believe.
Dream about thinking;
have ideas about thoughts -
pass it on; spread the word.
Put down wings.
Move roots.

 

Somnambulists

This is the first book cover I designed and laid out. Hopefully the first of many.

I want to be in love. I want to belong to someone. I want someone to want me to want them. I want someone that wants to be possessed and much as I do.

These attitudes seem a little out of kilter with modern, western sentiments. But I see no evidence that people's desires have changed much, if at all, since the sexual revolution... whenever that was, and whatever that means. Probably some git of a journalist came up with that darling little term.

I guess that's why I've avoided romantic relationships at every possible opportunity. I should have lived in a more romantic time, like the 16th century - there's nothing more romantic than filth, poverty and plague, right?

I think, like most people, couple-dom is what I want: a loving couple - what could be better? But I do have to say that I have a fascination with menage-a-tois, and no that's not the same as a threesome - jeeze peeps, get your mind out of the gutter for a second!

It's just that I can't help thinking that the problems I see a lot of couples having come down to boredom of routine etc. But if there are more than two people in the relationship how can that not be a good thing? Of course they are rare, as the dynamics of the relationship have to kind of be in place from the outset. Either that or the people involved have to be extremely open minded.

It's a curious thing to think about anyway. We all want to be part of a couple, but sometimes I think that we just think that. And other times I just think that I really, really want to be part of a couple ;-)

Had my fist real attempt at kite flying/jumping today, and great fun it was too! I only managed a couple of good ones and the sense of the wind taking you is quite humbling to say the least, especially as you land! Humbling... in a really exciting way! If you don't control it the kite will throw you into the ground at tremendous speed; it's not to be done without commitment... and a little practice helps too. I've been filming Ror and Haze for so many weeks now that I felt I should have some idea of what to do. But of course when you actually do something it always feels different to how you'd imagined. Well most of the time anyway.

Would love to do more with all the footage I'm getting but my PC seems to struggle with most of it; I'll struggle on with my PC.

Clocks went forward last night, and I still don't know anyone who doesn't wish they'd just leave them alone in Winter. However, today it did exagerate the sense of Summer coming even more and the Sun makes everybody a happier bunny. And the world needs happier bunnies.

Should be doing more motorbike stuff soon. Iain's going to coming round with the bike he sourced for me, a Kawasaki 500 commuter bike, which I still haven't even seen! Must sort out some sort of covering for it out back - can't have it at the front of the house as it'd get knicked or damaged.

Any - onwards and upwards... apparently!

I've had an online presence for about ten years now, starting off with the forum aapc (alt.arts.poetry.comments) which was a good learning ground about things like netiquette and trolls, lurkers etc. Many sites were in advance of those that exist now and I have watched them evolve into other things or disappear only to pop up again years later as something else entirely. Twitter is all the rage in certain quarters at the moment (ten years ago there was sms.ac which did the same thing only an aweful lot better) and it's another example, FaceBook still being the best, of people who wouldn't normally, or have never before interacted with an online community, getting heavily involved. It feels a bit like how a real drinker must feel when at Christmas and New Year's Eve non-drinkers go out and fill up all the pubs and clubs and 'drinking establishments'. Probably not a great analogy that... but hey!

On Facebook people add you as a friend but leave no message and don't contact you. It's bit like going up to someone, tapping them on the shoulder and saying 'Oi!' Then immediately walking off without looking back or ever speaking to them again. Not that it matters; it's just another evolutionary step of the way in which we communicate online. Bloody kids! And now the uninitiated parents are learning from those kids! Fuck! But no, really is doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all. Not at all... and calm....

On the plus side! - I am finding new people into some of the same things as me but always with a different view point, and I'm finding all kinds of stuff to do with art and writing and general net stuff. Lots of humour! Funny how you instantly connect with some people more than others, and quite quickly too. I love it, and do feel that for better or worse new technologies should be embraced. It's our future.

Personally I'd be happy for there to be a few tens of millions of human beings living on the planet much as the Aboriginies, Inuits, American Indians and Amazonians did, in harmony and maintaining a balance. That to me would be 'an' ideal, an not to be sniffed at.

But if there's to be tens of billions of us, and there will be soon, then we have to embrace technology. Unfortunately morals and ethics actually get in the way of the kind of developments needed, as the technologies of the past hundred years, increasingly so now, effect our biological evolution. We stopped being Human with the advent of Penicillin and the like. Now we have nano-medicines but are restricted in their use and development. And maybe rightly so?

Kate, God bless 'er, posed for me yesterday, and she hadn't done life modelling before, and it's not like we know each other really, really well, which maybe helped - I don't know. All I know is it went really well and I managed to produce a couple of drawings that I'll be able to work from when it comes to clay. We'll have more sessions, for sure, and have already discussed other posses etc.. But mainly I'm just super chuffed to have something beautiful to work on. Plus the pose we did yesterday will help me finish off the woman with big hips sculpture that was done using an old sketch for reference, and that sketch was from imagination, not a model. It's the arms and head that need work, or maybe just the decision to remove them completely. Bit worried the maquette of Rory will have dried out at Wensum Lodge as it's been a couple of weeks, as I missed this weeks class, which will mean doing it again as clay can't be re-wetted and hold it's form if it's been allowed to dry completely.

Have been on Twitter a lot lately. It's one of those sites that everyone will be on eventually, and like a lot of people I didn't really get it at first when I joined months ago but it's gaining popularity and I'm discovering it's just another convenient way to get information, stay informed and in touch with people you know, be entertained etc.. Reminds me a little of SMS.ac as it was about 10 years ago, before it slowly evolved into the rather suspicious FanBox. Stephen Fry is running a competition on Twitter at the mo, which involves coming up with a message containing 50 L's. The message has to be less than 140 characters, including spaces! I came up with:
HillbillyLilly silly4 willy willwellfollofellow uphill Lilsfolly4lolly isBrill willkilllTILLill allwillynilly 4large med& lilliput willy
Don't think I'll be winning the competition, somehow. hehe.

Continuing with figurative work in clay. Have several old sketches to work from, of things I've wanted to sculpt for years! It's going well. One or two people have offered to sit for me, which has never really worked out before with friends but it all seems to be coming together just right, right now.

Hope to make sketches of Estelle and Kate, and what with Rory and other sketches I have too, that should be enough to keep me busy for a while. I am becoming fascinated with the physical form again.

Should start getting things fired soon, which is going to be very exciting. You never know quiet what you're going to get until it comes out of the kiln!

We're getting some sunshine at the mo, which is lovely. Still cold but hey, sunshine!</div>

Started the clay modelling course a couple of days ago. It was great fun! Good teacher, who tells me that the method I want to use for figurative work is the most difficult he's ever seen and only knows one person that uses it, which is the man that developed it - some Italian genius whose name escapes me right now. I love the technique, as while it makes modelling and sculpting harder it has other advantages - the main one being speed: instead of sculpting out of solid clay, one makes tubes of clay for the limbs and a hollow case for the torso. Probably still needs to be split in two at the end of sculpting, carving out any excess clay from inside, and then sticking back together, which is the bit I find most unnerving.

Made a couple of sketches of Rory yesterday and took a couple of pictures to work from too. Should be an interesting process - still not sure how to get it to be free standing? My sketching abilities have gone to shit, not surprisingly as I'm not doing enough of it.